You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: ok

You: You are a level 1 HOOKER MAGE. Your inventory consists of ONE DILDOWAND. What do you do?

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: uh

Stranger: aqquire a leather belt

You: You have aquired ONE (1) LEATHER BELT. What do you do?
>Equip
>Explore north
>Nothing

Stranger: equip omg

You: You EQUIP the LEATHER BELT. Your CADDISHNESS raises by a factor of ONE (1). You gain the HOOKER RUBRIC: BDSM BAILOUT

You: What do you do now?

Stranger: you’re fucking hilarious

Stranger: i wip your ass obviously

Stranger: wtf bailout

You: There is no ass to whip in the vicinity. Apart from what appears to be a large PORNSWINE charging at you! What do you do now?

Stranger: omfg

Stranger: i have to get ma lion out

Stranger: hopefully it will die

You: You reveal “THE LION”. The PORNSWINE takes 20 damage to it’s ERECTOMETER. It has 41 ERECTOS left.

Stranger: im sorry i just died

You: The PORNSWINE uses LEVEL 2 WILD FEISTRUBRIC: CODDLEGROPE

You: You receive 12 damage to your HOOKERPRIDE.

Stranger: i died again

Stranger: i feel pissed off

You: Your HOOKERPRIDE: 68/80
What do you do now?

Stranger: fuck it, i have to run

You: You FLEE from the wild PORNSWINE. You are stuck in what appears to be a large warehouse. On further inspection, it appears to be a FILTHY BROTHEL. What do you do now?

You: >Talk to WHORES

You: >Visit the SHOP

You: >Sit down on the floor

Stranger: i would like to visit shop to buy a new lion

You: You visit the shop. The sign above reads “CRYSTALS WHORE-PORIUM”. A vast array of pornographic wares are laid out infront of you. What do you do?

You: >Examine FEISTY WARES

You: >Steal FEISTY WARES

You: >Insult nearby whore

Stranger: can i choose all please

You: You examine the wares, and in a flash you scoop a large amount up in your arms. You flee for the exit, not before yelling some slur at a DRUNKEN WHORE about her fat ugly mother.

You: You make it out into a large outcropping. What do you do now?

You: >Examine STOLEN GOODS

You: >Nothing

Stranger: cant i fly

You: You cannot unlock HOOKERWINGS until you reach Level 21.

Stranger: omfg

Stranger: damn

Stranger: nothing

You: You sit and do nothing. You catch a glimpse of the stolen equipment you have. Among the wares are a LINGERIE CHAINMAIL BIKINI, a DANCING POLE OF BABYLON, and a fetching HOOKERMAGE HAT.

You: What do you do now?

Stranger: id like to set up the pole yeah

You: You set up the DANCING POLE OF BABYLON and preform the DANCER RUBRIC: BODYCURVES OF THE NORSE GODS

Stranger: yay!!!

You: A light shines above you, and above approaches the lesser known god: BREASTULA

You: What do you do?

You: >Talk to BREASTULA

You: >Assault BRESTULA

You: >Dance more

You: BREASTULA*

Stranger: haha um talk to breastula

You: You approach the norse god. Before you can utter a word, a large light is emitted from her 418th BREAST. Suddenly, in her place, lies the WAND OF DESIRES. What do you do now?

Stranger: ohoh

Stranger: id like an upgrade to be more like her then i can get more tips! and afford stuff

You: The WAND OF DESIRES hears your wishes. It grants you 3 extra levels!

You: LEVEL UP x3:
HOOKERPRIDE +18
SLUTBRUTALITY: +23
CADDISHNESS: +7
WHORENDURANCE: +45
TIP AMOUNT: +$5

Stranger: omfgg

You: The WAND OF DESIRES grows dimmer. It has power for 2 more wishes. What do you do now

Stranger: awesome

Stranger: oh

Stranger: buy that lion

Stranger: and

Stranger: wish my stranger have eternal happiness for the rest of his/her days :D

You: The WAND OF DESIRES hears your wishes. The SECONDARY WEAPON: BITCHLION appears in your INVENTORY. The STRANGER also gets eternal happiness for the rest of his life, and thanks you for the kind wish!

You: What do you do now?

Stranger: yay!! oh im not sure!!! :p :s

You: In thought, the PORNSWINE from earlier charges at you again!

Stranger: summon bitchlion!

You: PORNSWINE ERECTOMETER: 40/61
YOUR HOOKERPRIDE: 98/98
You summon the BITCHLION

Stranger: attack with it too

Stranger: omg yay

You: BITCHLION HOOKERPRIDE: 1000/1000
The BITCHLION uses WILD WHORERUBRIC: BITCHSLAP OF THE GODS

You: The PORKSWINE dissipates into thin air. (-40 EP)
You win the battle!

Stranger: yessss!!!

Stranger: :D

You: You gain 208 “EXPERIENCE” and $28!
The PORNSWINE drops ONE (1): PORKY SNOUT

You: What do you do now?
>Continue onward
>View inventory
>Nothing

Stranger: hmmmm

Stranger: i died by mistake

Stranger: i fell off something

You: You fall off a inconveniently placed CLIFF. You died.
GAME OVER

You: Thank you for playing HOOKERQUEST!

Stranger: :’D

Stranger: best game ever

Stranger: thanks stranger XD

You: im gonna

You: make a text adventure out of this

You: now

You: thanks

You: this was acually sortas

You: good for creative stuff thanks :>

Stranger: fun too ;D im gonna look out for that game when you make big bucks selling it

Stranger: :) have a real nice life dude/dudette/true legend of hookerquest x

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

(s)he obviously got bored with it, but it did give me an idea for a text adventure! i’ve coded a few in the past and theyve all sucked due to sticking to one formula, and in the end i end up deleting em. but this is pretty unique im hoping, and it’ll give me something to work toward this summer.

if anyone is interested i could probably send them a copy of it or something if i get around to making it!